Self-Soothing vs Self-Care
Chats about ‘self-care’ are common in the clinic, but sometimes, what we really need in the moment is tools for ‘self-soothing’.
‘Self-soothing’ helps you feel better right now, where as ‘Self-care’ helps you build a life that supports your wellbeing long term.
What is Self-Soothing?
Self-soothing is any behaviour that helps you to regulate distress in this moment. It helps us to settle our nervous system when we are anxious, stressed or over-stimulated.
Examples of Self-Soothing are:
simple breathing exercises - taking a few slow breaths
taking a warm shower or bath
having a cup of tea
talking to a friend
singing or humming along to some music
taking a few moments of quiet time
feeling safe
It’s important to distinguish these from numbing behaviours, like playing a video games, doom scrolling, drinking alcohol or anything that distracts from discomfort. It’s important that these are not the only ‘tools’ we reach for when we need soothing.
What is Self-Care?
Self-care refers to things that we do, routinely, to support our future well-being. Sometimes these things aren’t comfortable, but are supportive over longer periods of time. These things build resilience that reduces how often we feel overwhelmed.
Examples of Self-Care:
Booking 8 hours of sleep into the daily diary
Following some sleep-hygiene strategies to unwind before bed
Eating regular, nourishing meals
Setting boundaries around work and relationships
Spending time working on meaningful relationships
Taking breaks when feeling burntout
Saying no when something doesn’t feel aligned
Finding exercise that you enjoy
Learning how to meditate
A nervous system perspective:
Self-soothing helps us move out of the stress response (anxiety, feeling flat, overwhelmed or irritable), bringing us down from the “flight-fight-freeze-fawn” response of the sympathetic nervous system into the “rest, digest, reproduce” response of the parasympathetic nervous system.
Self-care should improve the resilience of the nervous system and reduce how often we enter the stress response.
It’s important to ask yourself:
“What kind of support would help me feel more resourced?”
Small, consistent changes are often more helpful than large shifts that you can’t stick to. Choose one area to focus on, and practice this until it becomes habit, then reassess and introduce the next change, if needed. Don’t aim for ‘perfect’, aim for ‘consistently a little bit better’.